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Mysterious, Post-Apocalyptic Toy Trio

Mysterious, Post-Apocalyptic Toy Trio

Okay. First things first. I have no clue what the hell these toys are or where they came from. Just so you know. I really need your help identifying these guys.

These figures were a gift to me from someone who shall remain nameless. (Just wait. You'll understand why once you've seen the toys.) He picked 'em up on eBay years ago as a generous contribution to the Weirdo Toys collection, but this time he's really outdone himself.

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Post-Apocalyptic Figures

Okay. Look at these weirdos. They look like they could be characters from a Mad Max cartoon or some other bizarre post-apocalypse themed series. And I think their kimono robes give them a bit of an Asian vibe. So maybe they're from a post-apocalyptic kung-fu cartoon series.

Let's check these guys out one-by-one.

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Pointed-Nose Guy

First up, we have this strange, long-nosed fellow. Looks like he could be a goblin or something with his greenish skin and pointed ears. That's really secondary to the fact that he is wearing a stitched-leather bondage mask complete with zippered mouth. Yikes.

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Pointed-Nose Guy Pointed-Nose Guy

He's sporting a t-shirt, pants and sneakers and kimono. He's also carrying something on his back. Looks kind of like a pot or bowl or something.

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Pointed-Nose Guy

Take another look. You'll see that bowl on his back is actually a toilet bowl. Oh yeah, and there's a fresh turd inside. Ha!

It doesn't stop there. To complete the "things that come out of your butt" theme, it seems this guys is actually using anal beads to strap the toilet bowl to his back.  I know what you're thinking. Only my demented mind could come to that conclusion. But think about it. Conceptually and thematically, it makes sense. It almost makes the figure even better (maybe "better" isn't the right word for it). He's a weird little fetishist.

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Long Tongue Guy

So, this second guy is kind of freaky. It looks like he's wearing some kind of protective oxygen mask. But what good is a protective mask if your giant, mutant tongue is hanging out? Look at that freakin' thing.

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Long Tongue Guy Long Tongue Guy

This guys's got a huge, swiveling tongue that's nearly as tall as he is. Like I mentioned before, he's wearing that strange mask, and it looks like it's held on with riveted rubber netting. He's also got the kimono and sneaker action happening.  If you look closely, you'll notice his pants are unbuttoned.

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Long Tongue Guy

He's carrying a waste basket of debris on his back. I'm not sure what that's all about. Looks like there are some banana peels, soda cans and a juice box or something. Luckily this guys only using rope to carry the trash around.

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Metallic Dog-Man

Alright. This third guy is the strangest of the bunch. he's an emaciated, humanoid-dog thing with a hint of android.

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Metallic Dog-Man

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Metallic Dog-Man

Looks like he could be hybrid of man and dog pieced together with wires, scraps of metal, spark plugs, metal plates, etc. He's one strange pet.

Why am I so sure it's a "he?" Glad you asked.

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Metallic Dog-Man

He's got male genitalia. (First Weepy the WeeWee, now this.)

It wasn't until I saw the figure from this angle that I realized that it may not be a robot tail on this dog after all. It could just be a metal rod shoved up his ass. That's definitely a first (and hopefully a last) for my toy collection.

This dog figure has a waist swivel joint that always seemed useless to me. His permanent pose really made this bit of articulation pointless. Well, mere minutes ago, I discovered there actually is a reason for it. I was inspecting the toy as I wrote this blog entry, and I noticed his torso was a bit loose. The two body pieces were separating. Out of curiosity, I pulled him apart.

This is what I discovered.

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Metallic Dog-Man

A dangling, severed spine and juicy torso meat. Wow! This toy just got even weirder. These toys just keep on giving.

So, there you have it. three freaky toys that have been hanging around my studio waiting to have a home on the blog. Maybe you can help me identify them.

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Metallic Dog-Man

As I stated earlier, I have no idea what these toys are, but the only clue I can share with you is this emblem. It can be found on all three figures. I'm not sure how it should be read. Maybe "V3 Toy?" The logo looks like an owl with a lazy eye. Any help from you guys would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.


20 Responses

  1. Monty Prime says:

    No doubt, these HAVE to be from Japan.

  2. Turms says:

    Priceless!
    THANK YOU, for sharing this – awesome find!
    Any of these figures would be great individually, but as this hellish trio they really take the cake. Loved the splitting dog idea!
    Sorry, cant help with identifying the maker or model, but have to check back to see if somebody else can.

  3. bighatdino says:

    @WeirdoToys This things are creepy! A toy naked dog-man with a bit of metal up his bum has to be the weirdest thing I’ve seen this week!

  4. Jason says:

    YIKES! No clue what these guys are, but now I need them in my collection. Thanks.
    Poor man/dog guy. I bet that hurts. Both metal rod shoved, and the being cut in half.

  5. theo says:

    haha these guys are amazing, no clue what they are just wanted to drop a comment to show my apriciation for a truly bizzzzaaaareee set of dudes!

  6. Mike says:

    I don’t recognise these but the style is something I would expect from a japanese SD figurine. The logo kind of reminds me of Kamen Rider V3 that had lots of big rubber monsters and mutants they may be related so it may be a good place to start. Hope this helps and thanks for sharing these they are great.

  7. Ben says:

    Okay, I’m at a loss. I can’t find anything on these freaks. Unfortunately, like some other items posted on here, the Google Image Search results I get are…well, let’s just say I have to avoid searching during work hours. Frankly, I have to avoid looking at these toys during work hours.

    Have you tried sending the picture to a store like Toy Tokyo that might know a little bit more about Japanese imports, which these most certainly are?

    • Ha! I’m not going to even try Google image searching. As far as Japanese import toy sites, I did find one that was selling these 3 toys, but it had no name for them. Just something like “V3 Toy figures.” The search continues.

  8. Bob says:

    I dated a Spanish girl a few years back and they had a really weird custom at Christmas called Shit-Man, where they would run up and down stairs and beat on a box until it pooped gifts- totally bonkers, but real, because they had figurines and candy of the Shit-Man. One was a toilet with a poo in it, so maybe the first guy is the Shit-Man? Going by this logic, could the toys be from Spain?

  9. ha the 2nd guy is nuts. His pants are unbuttoned and his tongue is wagging? curious as to what he was doing before his photoshoot?? lol

  10. Monster Man says:

    I think they have to do with the band Slipknot – they wear masks similar to these – they have changed them up over the years – but the hooded black mask zipper and nose look too spot on – maybe this helps.

  11. Somarinoa says:

    Well things that initially started out looking like amazing post-apocalyptica figures went downhill fast…like that scene of the Rock and Stifler falling off that cliff in The Rundown.

    Monster Man does have a point, at least one of the figures does look like a Slipknot character, but I cannot state for the other two since I don’t precisely follow that band…err…at all.

    As for the “metal rod”, it is definitely an anal dildo. It’s got the beads along the length and the “pull out ring” to confirm it — I’ve been to enough adult stores in my life (almost exclusively to laugh at porn titles and ultimately get kicked out, or to buy gag gifts for friends like the “Bathroom Buddy”). That being said, the goriness factor amazes me to no end. That feature I love.

    That being said, I also cannot find much on the figures, even while looking up fetishist and slipknot figurines. Hm.

  12. else3573 says:

    That’s not just a metal rod up his as, like the person before me said, it’s CLEARLY a dildo. It has the bumps on it, the pull out end, even the seperation where you would open it to put in the batteries. That’s a pretty foul toy…

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