As you may know, a lot of folks who have websites track their stats, visitors, etc. using Google Analytics. I do the same. I’ve been using it since I started the blog.
Google Analytics really does present a lot of info – stuff like where my visitors are from, what pages they looked at and for how long. A really interesting and even comedic feature for me is the Traffic Sources: Keywords category. It lists what terms were searched in Google that brought individuals to my site. Most searches are what you might expect – stuff like “Madballs,” “Zombie Toy,” “Bootleg Toys,” etc.
Well, mixed in the bunch are totally off-the-wall surprises that I’ve been sharing on Twitter. Due to some fan reactions, I thought maybe I’d let you all in on it too. So, I’m gonna try something goofy on the blog and share a top-10 list of weirdo Google searches. Not sure if it’ll be monthly or weekly or what. Maybe I’ll just do it as funny things come up.
Here are the Top 10 weird search terms from March 1-7, 2009:
10. “battlestar galactica nude”
9. ” just another happy meal”
8. “this guy is like the terminator”
7. ” why are people scared of the abominable snowman”
6. “scary toys no fur gallery”
5. “ugly balls”
4. “big toys in ass”
3. “ass lips”
2. “claymation of clown smelling finger from ass”
(looks like Weirdo Toys gets a lot of ‘ass’)
… and my favorite….
1. “am i weird because i collect toys”
Yeah, I know #2 is pretty disturbing, but you have to admit, #1 is pretty funny.
You know what would be great? Some kind of screwed up scavenger hunt where the readers of the blog have to find toys that relate to these search terms. Or maybe a custom-toy contest. Man that would be freaky and hilarious.
No.5 Ugly Balls? I think that’s what Barney Franks buddies call him.
One day there will be a search for “weirdo boobs” and they’ll be happy.
My question: Are people disappointed when they stumble onto this website after having searched for such incredibly disturbing things with Google? “Hey, I wanted to see some big toys in someone’s ass! What’s all this crap about Mexican versions of The Thing?” Or are they pleasantly surprised? “Well, I may not have gotten my ass lips fix, but at least I know everything there is to know about the Gross Out Gang!”
I can answer that one for you. They are horribly disappointed.
In most cases, the weird searches involving asses and all result in the visitor staying for 00:00 minutes. So… yeah. No unexpected appreciation for Mexican bootlegs unfortunately.
That does remind me of a related story though. Last year, a Spanish porn site wrote a little blurb about my site and provided a link. I had 1400 people come from that site in a single day. Very funny. Even funnier though is how thorough the visitors from that site were. Most of them clicked through every single page… hoping to see some weirdo sex toy I guess.
Ha!
Hi.lar.ious.
This is one of the funnest blogs I’ve ever found.I LOVE WEIRD TOYS. 😀 Can’t wait to go back in the archives.
We have the opposite problem with Google analytics showing a stack of people stumbling across us when they want to know ‘how to sex a rabbit’!
Best search I’ve ever had was “roller derby knapsack” It took me ages to realize they were referring to one of my recaps and must’ve only remembered I had used the word “knapsack” in the title.