I'm sure you're all familiar with these classic Universal Monsters. They're the classic movie monsters that the world knows and loves.
These 8" figures were produced by Imperial Toy Corporation and Universal Pictures in 1986. You may not recognize them at first glance because they're so darned quirky and awkward-looking compared to most modern renditions of the classic monsters. That's actually what I love about 'em though. They're so "off-model" and uniquely charming.
And according to their packages, they come "with posable arms and head." Not a huge selling point, but what else were they gonna call out on the package? "With goofy, inaccurate likenesses and proportions?"
Let's just see how they measure up to their on-screen counterparts.
Here we have Dracula's Grandpa…
… Frankenstein's swollen, awkward, teen-aged son…
… Um... the Mummy's stunt double…
… and what actually looks kinda like the Wolfman.
I guess they do bare a resemblance to the movie characters but not necessarily to the actors portraying them. (I know these things were released in the 80s, so I probably shouldn't be so judgmental. Everything nowadays is made from a feakin' computer scan of a face.)
You thought their faces were funny? Wait til you see the rest of 'em.
Let's start things out with the time-honored blood sucker, Dracula
He's a friendly Dracula (either that, or he's waving down a cab).
I'm really surprised they didn't give this guy fangs. C'mon! That's his gimmick. Now he just looks like a very pale, formal, butler-superhero type.
The figure is almost completely black and white except for the few dabs of red. None of the red is blood though (unless you imagine those a blood-covered lips). Oh, and his medal of honor and buttons are yellow.
Don't you just love those plump, cartoony hands they put on this guy? They look a lot like the classic cartoon gloved hand (you know, like Mickey Mouse or whoever would wear). I am glad they went the extra mile and added the rings though. I guess Dracula had a thing for bling.
Hey. He's got a dab of green on his ring too. So that means they actually used 5 colors on this figure. Wow.
Now, let's look at Frankenstein (or "Frankenstein's Monster" as I like to refer to him when I'm feeling anal about it).
Jesus H! Look at those hands! What the hell's going on here? I know Frankenstein's cobbled together from various body parts, but I've never known him to have freakishly large hands at the end of super long arms. He can reach his knees without bending over. FREAKY!
And look at his tiny head. Adorable (or should I say "abhorable").
This Frankenstein's actually really great. I wish the other figures in this set were as distorted and goofy as this guy. I think he's my favorite of the bunch.
Next up is everybody's furry favorite, the Wolfman.
I'm not quite sure what to say about this guy. He's actually a decent-looking Wolfman figure. His yellow and red color scheme threw me off at first, but that's about it. And I guess I find it hard to believe that he'd turn into a wolf, run through the woods terrorizing people and still manage to keep his shirt fully buttoned and tucked-in. That's one prim and proper Wolfman.
His feet actually look like furry boots or slippers or something. Wonder why only his shoes tear off but the rest of his clothes stay completely intact.
One thing I'd like to point out is the subtle "gore" included with this figure. While Dracula, the guy known for drinking blood every day, doesn't have a drop on him, this guy, the Wolfman, has blood spatter and fine mist sprayed all over his hands. Looks like he's had a busy night. Maybe his shirt was actually white before sundown.
Oh yeah, and check out the chunks of flack on his fingers (or is that the freshly-torn flesh of another victim? Mwa-ha-ha!).
And lastly, we have the Mummy.
This Mummy honestly resembles an injured stuntman more than a centuries-old, decayed zombie wrapped in bandages.
He's just standing there in a body cast.
He seriously looks like an over-the-hill daredevil who's suffering from scrapes, burns, broken bones and probably a bruised ego.
You should probably retire buddy.
Even the spots of dirt (or whatever they're supposed to be) look like dried blood seeping through the wraps. Very, very goofy. This guy's my second favorite
Okay, that wraps up our look at screwed up Universal Monsters toys.
So what if the toys are ugly. Why else would you want to buy them? Are you telling me perfect likenesses of each of these movie characters would be more interesting than what I've just shown you? I think not.
I hope you enjoy these guys as much as I do. If you like them, you can buy them on eBay right now!