Masters of the Uni-worse

July 7th, 2008

So here we have some Masters of the Universe (MOTU) figures. It’s He-Man (The Most Powerful Man in the Universe) and Skeletor (The Evil Lord of Destruction).

Don’t they look awesome? Just like I remembered them….

He-Man

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He-Man - Generic Mexican Action Figure

Skeletor

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Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figure

Masters of the Universe my ass! These guys are masters of nothing (well, maybe the Masters of Shittily Made Toys).

All I can say is these things are god-awful. Again, what we have here are some generic, ugly-ass Mexican bootleg figures of popular American toylines.

These MOTU figures are horrible, but I love ‘em. They look like homemade elementary school sculpture projects. You can’t pose them. They can’t hold any weapons (although there’s a hole in Skeletor’s hand, so maybe it had a purpose at some point). Do-it-yourself action figures (Well, not action figures, cuz they can’t really move. They’re just statues i guess).

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He-Man - Generic Mexican Action Figure He-Man - Generic Mexican Action Figure

They’re the rejects of the MOTU toyline. Maybe that’s why I took them in. I feel sorry for them with their horrible molds, non-existent quality control and bad production value. These guys look like they’ve melted a bit. There’s tons of flack all over ‘em, their paint’s rubbed off, and they’re just plain gross.

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Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figure Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figure

Skeletor actually has a separate piece of armor (which is held on by a peg protruding from his chest) and some freaky muscle structure on his back (not that the rest of him isn’t freaky). Oh, and as it turns out, he does swivel at the waist.

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He-Man & Skeletor - Generic Mexican Action Figures

He-Man’s a bit smaller than Skeletor, but does size really matter?

So, what are the odds that these are actually rare prototypes? They’re early concept figures of the legendary toyline. Hmmmm….

He sells sea shells by the sea shore.

June 23rd, 2008

Here’s one of those random flea market toys I found weeks ago. Another lone, quirky action figure.

I wasn’t quite sure what this guy was, but I knew I liked his style. Looks like he should be an evil, menacing villain, but c’mon! He has an arm-swinging action feature (which is broken), a whale on his head, bling around his neck, barnacles and sea shells all over his body…

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Typhus - BeetleBorgs Action Figure

…and he even has a crab for a hand (a truly awesome and hilarious design decision by the way). How menacing could he be?

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Typhus - BeetleBorgs Action Figure

I figured he was a Power Rangers character, but I wanna come up with some better (worse) sea-related jokes to introduce this guy.

- He sells sea shells by the sea shore.
- The REAL Aquaman
- He’s sleeping with the fishes.
- He has a bad case of crabs.
- Mascot for Sea World

Yeah, that’s it. He can be the original, retired mascot for Sea World. Since he was fired by Sea World, he’s become old and bitter. That’s actually not an angry, “evil” look on his face, it’s just frustration due to his lack of any other relevant job skills.

Seriously though, this toy looks to be another quirky Power Rangers bad guy, but as always, ya gotta check the toy’s markings – “© 96 Bandai” on one foot and “Made in China” on the other.

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Typhus - BeetleBorgs Action Figure

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Typhus - BeetleBorgs Action Figure

Ya know, I actually had no luck figuring out what this toy was. Seriously, I scoured the web for Power Rangers and BeetleBorgs characters for a pretty good while. Nothing.

But thanks to JohnH at the ToyTraderz.com forums, I was able to get some help identifying this guy. Turns out it’s a Saber-Swiping Typhus figure from the BeetleBorgs toy line, and according to Wikipedia, Typhus is a Chimera, humanoid monster who likes to fight. His whale flattop is actually an extra mouth used to eat food and other junk, and he uses a sword (which blasts lasers when held in his extra mouth) that latches to his arm or his mouth. Weird.

I’m not too familiar with the BeetleBorgs. They just look like another set of brightly-colored, acrobatic kids that fight monsters.

I sure as hell hope, the show wasn’t as bad as this music video I found.

Nightmare Warriors by MTC

June 8th, 2008

Alright. Prepare to be jealous. The toys featured in today’s entry are too cool for words (not literally… how else would I write about them?).

I found these fellas a few years back, at a toy show, lying in a cardboard box among some other generic toys. I got ‘em for five bucks each or something like that. It appears that I’ve really lucked out, because I cannot find these things for sale anywhere.

I need one more figure to complete the set, but I figured I’d show ‘em to you anyway.

Nightmare Warriors
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Nightmare Warriors Action Figures

I’d never seen these charmingly goofy skeleton toys before, but after a quick search online, I found that these guys are from a toyline called Nightmare Warriors produced by MTC (Multi-Toys Corporation) in 1983. They are ghosts of historical warriors (but they look more like ghosts of the Village People)… and they glow in the dark.

Just a side note – I think it’s funny that these guys were buried nude, basically… only wearing boots, a belt and head gear. Weird huh?

Major Bones
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Major Bones - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure Major Bones - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure

Pancho Villa
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Pancho Villa - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure Pancho Villa - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure

Captain Kidd
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Captain Kidd - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure Captain Kidd - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure

Sir Lancelot
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Sir Lancelot - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure Sir Lancelot - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure

Geronimo
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Geronimo - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure Geronimo - Nightmare Warriors Action Figure

It looks like these guys were made to possibly cash-in on the popularity of the Masters of the Universe toyline. One could make the argument that they were inspired by Skeletor, but I think these guys are much cooler (and skeletal). Outside of the “skull face” comparison, they actually do have very similar hand positioning to the MOTU toyline (you know, one “grip hand” with protruding thumb accompanied by one wide-open hand.).

Nightmare Warriors - Captain Kidd Nightmare Warriors - Geronimo Nightmare Warriors - Sir Lancelot
Nightmare Warriors - Pancho Villa Nightmare Warriors - Spartacus
Nightmare Warriors packaging photos courtesy of The Gallery of Monster Toys

As you can see in these packaging pics, I’m missing the Spartacus figure. If anyone has it and would like to get rid of it, please get in touch with me ;)

I, Cuddly Robot

June 4th, 2008

Web and Industrial Designer, Matt Kirkland, has a website featuring various personal and professional projects. The projects include his web work, sketches and stuff like that. But what really caught my attention is one of the sections on the site called Stupid Projects. I think these projects are Matt’s way of keeping himself occupied.

One of the most pleasantly surprising “stupid projects” is In Vestimentis Ursum – Matt’s revelation of the animatronic robots that lie beneath the fur and plush of their respective dolls. The results are surprising, creepy and comedic. It’s a great little project, and it actually makes me feel like buying a couple of these things just to skin them and put them on a shelf in my studio.

Here’s a look at some of my favorites from his site.

Stripped-down cow doll, revealing its animatronic skeleton

Stripped-down Fred doll, revealing its animatronic skeleton

Stripped-down Elmo doll, revealing its animatronic skeleton

Stripped-down Care Bear doll, revealing its animatronic skeleton

(Thanks for the link Billy.)

Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger

June 1st, 2008

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

Isn’t it a beautiful thing? A kiss on the cheek and a sweet whisper in your lover’s ear. There’s nothing quite like the love between a man and a monster?

Waitaminit! These guys may be close, but they ain’t smoochin.’

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

Looks like they’re actually some kind of mutated freak. (It’s their mutation that makes them freaky, not the fact that they’re conjoined.)

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

I didn’t know what this toy was at first, but i did immediately recognize it as a Playmates Toys figure due to it’s distinct, quirky character design and sculpting style. (Playmates’ toys were distinct at the time anyway. I’m not sure how good they are nowadays.) Its brightly colored neon and splattered paint applications made me think it could’ve been from the Toxic Crusaders toyline. I also saw the word “Troma” on the foot, so i immediately knew this guy was in good company. For those that don’t know, Troma is a studio known for it’s B-movie horror/comedies… but more on that later.

A quick web search taught me a bit about this character. He’s Headbanger - a fusion of two opposing personalities in one conjoined body. We have Bender (the mad scientist) who has somehow accidentally been attached to Fender (a surfing, singing telegram boy who is apparently responsible for the accident). Seems like his name should be Fender-Bender or something like that. Too obvious I guess.
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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

As you can see, Headbanger comes with a surfboard that is chock full of gross texture and sea creatures and stuff.

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Toxic Crusaders - Headbanger Action Figure by Playmates

Here’s a look at both sides of the gnarly surfboard.

Now, back to Troma. They’ve made tons of movies over the years, but one of their most notable is The Toxic Avenger. It’s a great, horrible movie about a kid who gets transformed into a big, musclebound, toxic, crimefighting freak.

Well, this R-rated movie full of sex and violence somehow got transformed into a kids cartoon. I’m all for sex and violence, but i’m not quite sure kids should be watching the Toxic Avenger just yet. Does anyone else think this is funny? I was actually discussing this idea with some friends a couple of weeks ago. Who started the trend of converting R-rated movies into kids shows? I’d love to see kids’ reactions (and their moms’) after seeing Toxie kill a man with his bare hands.

Isn’t it funny that this…

… was transformed into a cartoon like this.

What are some more R-rated favorites that somehow became kids’ cartoons? The only movies I could really think of were The Toxic Avenger, Robocop and Rambo. Anyone else know any kids shows based on adult entertainment?

Japanese Robots Overtake Sci-Fi Museum

May 22nd, 2008

Robo-Spider
Robot photo by Richard Nichol courtesy of Wired.com

So here’s a little tidbit I thought all of you toy lovers would appreciate – the Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame in Seattle will exhibit Japanese toy robots from the collection of graphic designer, Tom Geismar (of Charmayeff & Geismar). The show is called Robots: A Designer’s Collection of Miniature Mechanical Marvels and it runs through Oct. 26.

If you’re in the area, you should check it out… and if you get any good pics, send ‘em my way ;)

(Thanks for the link Mike!) 

Ed Roth’s Rat Fink (and friends)

May 18th, 2008

Weeks ago (April 12 to be exact), I made my way down to Athens, Georgia for the annual “mini-comic and zine explosion” known as Fluke. It’s a fun little show hosted at a small bar downtown called Tasty World. At its core, Fluke is a small gathering of people that are passionate about comics, art and the like. I try to make my way down there every year with my buddies from Wide Awake Press, and this year was just the same. After a quick look around the bar and some good (and bad) comics one can get bored easily.

Luckily, just a couple of blocks away lies a store full of comics, toys and all kinds of quirky goodies (junk) you can imagine. The place is Bizarro Wuxtry, and it’s always a joy to visit, because you’ll always find something odd to capture your interest. Whether it’s classic horror comics, cool new toys or some old ALF bubble gum cards, you’ll always discover something new (even if it looks like the piles of junk are untouched year after year). And of course, the most iconic part of the store is its owner, Devlin, in his trademark Bizarro t-shirt.

Bizarro Wuxtry Bizarro Wuxtry

Bizarro Wuxtry

Bizarro Wuxtry

Bizarro Wuxtry
Bizarro Wuxtry store photos courtesy of Taylor Vandiver (thanks Taylor).

I dropped in and looked around as always. Climbing over piles, delicately moving between shelves and cabinets doing my best not to knock anything over. I didn’t see much of anything that I cared to get (or didn’t already have) when out of nowhere stood this shrink-wrapped stack of Rat Fink toys. They looked liked they’d been sitting there for ages. The packaging looked stained and bleached (probably because it was set up near a window).

The toys are a series of Rat Fink figures based on the infamous characters and illustrations by Ed “Big Daddy” Roth. These things were made in 2000 by Japanese toymaker, Planet Toys (the same folks that brought you that Zowroku toy). So, I’m not even sure if these things were widely available in the U.S.

Here’s a look at the toy packaging.

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Rat Fink by Planet Toys Rat Fink by Planet Toys Surf Fink by Planet Toys Surf Fink by Planet Toys
Crazy Girl by Planet Toys Crazy Girl by Planet Toys Beast by Planet Toys Beast by Planet Toys

Luckily, as you can see, the sun bleaching and stuff had no effect on the toys. They look as good as new.

Rat Fink
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Rat Fink by Planet Toys Rat Fink by Planet Toys Rat Fink by Planet Toys

It’s Rat Fink. What else can I say (well, he kind of looks like a really screwed-up version of Mickey Mouse)? He comes with a bouquet of flowers and an interchangeable hand holding a brush. I’m not “in-touch” with the whole hot-rodding scene (or any automotive scene for that matter). I’m not quite sure what relevance these flowers have, but I do know the paint brush is for detailing his car.

Surf Fink
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Surf Fink by Planet Toys Rat Fink by Planet Toys Surf Fink by Planet Toys

This bug-eyed surfer-bum is fairly poseable, but what good is a poseable surfer if the surf board is stuck in his hand? My favorite part of this Surf Fink is probably his big, crinkly neck and back. It also looks like he suffers from a really bad skin condition. Gross.

Oh, and the back of his shirt reads “Surf-Fink San.”

Crazy Girl
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Crazy Girl by Planet Toys Crazy Girl by Planet Toys Crazy Girl by Planet Toys
(I tried to put her hand on her hip as shown on the package, but I felt like I was gonna break it.)

Imagine being served by this ugly-ass waitress. Complete with bulging, bloodshot eyes, snaggly teeth, grey skin and stitched scars. Crazy Girl (shouldn’t that be “Waitress Fink”?) is dressed in the classic diner waitress uniform which is great, but she’s wearing rollerblades which feels a bit out of character and out of time. She also comes with a tray with interchangeable items. She can serve you a hamburger, hot dog and a drink or the ever-popular 8-ball burger.

Her hat reads “Crazy Girl,” and the back of her shirt reads “Harvey’s.”

Beast
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Crazy Girl by Planet Toys Crazy Girl by Planet Toys Crazy Girl by Planet Toys

This guy is probably my favorite of the bunch. He’s just a total freak. He has a gnarly mouth full of teeth… and five tongues… covered in blood. That’s pretty good on its own, but combine that with blue skin and the four long eye balls hanging out of his eye sockets and you’ve really got something. He’s also got the awesome ability to rear his head back and open his huge mouth.

It looks like he’s just wearing a regular ol’ tank top, shorts sandals and a big iron cross, and the back of his shirt reads “Irresistible Beast.”

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Rat

If you’ll notice the toy packaging pictured earlier, each toy is marked with a sticker designating a “Special Figure Included.” Well, behind the “8″ in the faux 8-ball on the card there’s a mystery figure. This got me psyched, because I was imagining even more cool little creatures inside those little bubbles.

Well, it turns out, they’re not that great. Sure, this little winged eyeball creature is cool and all, but to get the same damned one with each toy is disappointing. Why not do a unique toy with each character? There was only one difference with the toys – Rat Fink’s little character was yellow. Pretty crappy huh?

I’m not sure what this creature is or what its relevance to Rat Fink characters are. Anyone have any insight?